Do we expect too much from people? Are we wrong for expecting certain things when we know the person won’t ever meet those expectations?
Some people are going to let you down. That’s life. You learn to lower your expectations to keep yourself from getting hurt. I don’t believe you should have to do that with the people who you’ve let into your circle, though. They were supposed to have earned a spot there. And one would assume for those of us that don’t let a lot of people in, we would have thoroughly vetted these people. They should be our cheerleaders, our advocates, they should know when you are hurting and what will make you happy. And vice versa. If you end up hurting each other, you talk it out, apologize, get back to common ground, because no matter the hurt, your love withstands it. Give and take, right?
So yes, I expect certain basic things from the people in my circle. I don’t go crazy. It’s not like if you forgot my birthday, but remembered the next day, I am going to disown you. My expectations are realistic. I expect that if someone says they love me, then they care about things that affect me. That are important to me. They are concerned about me. They show up in a million different ways. That is a base necessity. BASE. And in true give and take fashion, I do the same for them. When those expectations aren’t met, over and over again, and that person feels no remorse and doesn’t even notice my disappointment, I would begin to question if “love” was ever really the right word for it.
Unfortunately, sometimes we let people in the circle without properly vetting them. They begin to show their true colors (or maybe they grow into their true colors) through their inaction, apathy and/or self-centered oblivion. We start seeing them for who they are. And we keep lowering our expectations, believing that we are the problem, we expect too much, and if we could just lower those expectations further, then we can keep moving forward.
I promise you, you are not asking for too much…a hug, a kind word, something small that shows the person cares. Basic. Nothing you wouldn’t do yourself.
For some of you, all I can do is support you from a distance. I know with every part of me that if I am cheering you on from the sidelines, you are someone incredible, someone who deserves to be seen. Not someone who should be burrowing further underground with each lowered expectation. I’m not perfect, and sometimes I get preoccupied with myself, but the hell if I am ever so preoccupied I completely overlook the people that need me. And if I do, please, call me out. Throw something at me and I will be there for you in a heartbeat.
Do we expect too much from people? Are we wrong for expecting certain things when we know the person won’t ever meet those expectations? People in general, maybe. People in our circle, the ones we thought would have our back no matter what…you are not in the wrong. You deserve people that work every day to meet or exceed your expectations because you would do and are doing the same for them.