I look past you,
a beggar on the street,
I divert my eyes,
fill my ears with busy thoughts to ignore your pleas
(as if I could escape you).
Emptiness takes over like a shadow
as the sun changes direction.
I crave you more than
I crave the quiet that comes with death
yet I fight to let you take hold.
The more I struggle,
the tighter you hold me,
ignoring my ugliness,
until I remember
you were never something out of reach.
I only buried you
petrified of thieves who would steal you away.
I am my sadness, as much as I am my happiness.
I feel it when laughter spontaneously bubbles up in me
in a moment when I thought tears would never stop.
I feel it when I am attacked
with unconditional love.
I breathe in the peace that comes
with knowing I can stop searching
for I have found it.