I look past you,

a beggar on the street,

I divert my eyes,

fill my ears with busy thoughts to ignore your pleas

(as if I could escape you).

Emptiness takes over like a shadow

growing larger

as the sun changes direction.

I crave you more than

I crave the quiet that comes with death

yet I fight to let you take hold.

The more I struggle,

the tighter you hold me,

ignoring my ugliness,

until I remember

you were never something out of reach.

I only buried you

like treasure,

petrified of thieves who would steal you away.

I am my sadness, as much as I am my happiness.

I feel it when laughter spontaneously bubbles up in me

in a moment when I thought tears would never stop.

I feel it when I am attacked

with unconditional love.

I breathe in the peace that comes

with knowing I can stop searching

for I have found it.

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